Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Every changing friendships

I'm kind of used to friendships changing.

I'm not one of those people who is still best friends with their primary school best friend - and I'm not talking about 'Facebook Friends'.

We moved when I was in my last year of primary school and then when I left High School I was the only person who went to the city I studied in.  Five years ago Mr M & I left that city to move 200+ miles away to a completely new city.  I'm used to having to try and make new friends.

My longest friend is from university, she lives far to far away for my liking but we text nearly every day and phone when we can - she works nights and when I was working shifts would get in the way.  I can still tell her anything and everything and I know she's there for me, if not in body.  She doesn't have children - yet!

My other friend that I've known for nearly as long now has 3 gorgeous boys and again we don't see each other that often but meet whenever I go up to visit Mr M's family and she is free.  Through the joys of Facebook and text we are able to keep in touch and up to date with our growing families.  She has been a great help with mummy related issues.

I have however been feeling REALLY lonely lately!  I go to mummy and baby groups and am trying to talk to other mums but there are cliques and its hard to break in.  I'm determined though and haven't let that stop us going to the groups.

To some of my friends I seem to have fallen off the planet since I had Baby M.  What makes our friendship so different now I have a child??  It doesn't to me!! So I bring him along to coffee catch ups - he's so well behaved he doesn't cry when we are out so it's not like he's badly behaved/screaming/wailing.  I can still go on nights out as Mr M can babysit.  I have even more free time on my hands which means I can meet up WHENEVER.

I text and text trying to organise catch ups.  Generally I get fobbed off or we make plans then they cancel.  I know people have busy lives but we met up before!

Mr M keeps telling me to focus on those friends who do still want to meet up, who do take the time to reply to me and who genuinely seem interested in Baby M. I know he's probably right but I've always been a bit of an overthinker/worrier.

I had the "is it me?" thoughts.  I am someone they don't want to be around??

Maybe when I go back to work and I'm busy with that and spending time as a family I won't be so bothered.  But friendships are really important to me and I think we need them to stay slightly sane. 

I shall continue to persevere and maybe follow Mr M's advice of focusing on those friends who do make that effort.  With many things I have a 2 strike rule (as in 2 strikes & you're out) I feel that maybe too harsh for friendships though. 

I'm trying to organise cocktails/drinks for my birthday.  I'm hoping that people come and I'm not sitting there Billy-No-Mates.  I used to have fancy dress parties every year for my birthday from about 19-25 (they were AMAZING) but I'd always get upset by those people who'd say they were coming but never showed up, just be honest with me!!

I will keep going to the baby groups and trying to make new mummy friends.  

How have other mums managed their friendships since becoming parents?  Have your friendships changed?  How have you found making new mummy friends?