Daddy is back to work

Today Daddy goes back to work

I'm so pleased that he is feeling much better.

It was a night of broken sleep last night due to his anxiety about going back but I reassured him that is completely normal.  We all have Sunday night blues/worries normally so it's only natural he will feel anxious after a long time away from work.

He's on a phased return so we will be seeing him back at home by lunchtime each day this week.

Baby M & I will now be on our own during the day.

This week we are meeting some friends for coffee/lunch on top of swimming and baby group.  We only really have Thursday as a day we have nothing on - I think we will have a mummy & baby day that day.

Next week my sister in law is visiting for a few days then the week after my brother is down for a week.  It's great for Baby M to have visitors, especially with everyone living so far away, he changes so quickly

I'm a little worried how I will manage on my own, I'm so used to having Mr M by my side.  But I think it will be positive for both Baby M & myself, we can develop our confidence & independence together. 

I am sure we will all be fine!!

Daddy is feeling much better

Daddy is feeling much better.

So much so that he is going back to work.

I am so happy that he is working along his path of recovery and now feels like he can return to work. 

I do worry about how I will manage on my own with Baby M as we've had daddy with us all this time.  Part of me is also really excited about having time with Baby M on my own and have mummy/baby time.

Baby M is 4 months old now and I feel a lot more confident in my parenting ability than I did at the start.  Out of the 2 of us I am happy to put Baby M in his chair or playmat so I can get things done whereas Daddy likes to have him in his arms - I'm not sure if some of that is because of how he was feeling though.  Everyone loves cuddles!

Mr M has done so well and I am so proud of him. 

We have tried to work as a team throughout, although I think it helps I work in the mental health field.  Whilst Mr M has been waiting for counseling/CBT from services we have already been doing some of the work.  When he feels anxious or has a worrying thought we talk about it.  I challenge him about what he thinks will happen - what is the worse case scenario and what is the best?  How likely is it that what he is worrying about will happen?  What will he do if it does?  What can he do to reduce these worries?  How can he distract himself?  There are lots of self help websites and books out there and some of them are helpful but I think you need someone to talk through alongside them.

Mr M has found the constant questioning of when he is going back to work and when will he feel better slightly detrimental to his recovery.  I know people are trying to be helpful and showing concern but mental health issues aren't the same as breaking your leg or having a bug.  You can't just wear a cast or take some antibiotics and you're fine.  There is no quick fix!! There's no magic pill!! I can't tell you how many times in my professional life I have wished I had a magic wand that I could wave and make everything ok for people.

Mr M is still working hard to walk along his path of recovery but he is doing really well and I am so proud of him. 


If you're affected by any mental health issues please don't feel you have to suffer in silence, the best thing you can do is talk.  Whether it be to your GP, a friend, a family member or one of the various charities out there - you are not alone

Daddy improving

Today is Mr M's birthday - Happy Birthday Gorgeous!!

You may remember me writing a post a few weeks back about men and the effect that pregnancy and new baby can have on them and that they are often forgotten.

Mr M is improving from how he was feeling a month ago.  It was tough for a while but he is now seeing his GP regularly and has been put forward for support from services.

I have tried to offer as much support as I can.  I have had a number of hats on throughout - my concerned wife hat, my mental health nurse hat and a very occasional time my grumpy tired mummy hat.

Some people have found it difficult to understand how a dad is struggling with a new baby, a few times people have said "he was so excited about becoming a dad".  What do they think happens with mums who suffer from post-natal depression?! Were they also not looking forward to becoming a parent!? Of course they were!!

It's not just the new baby that has caused Mr M to feel unwell - he's had a tough year or so.  He was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, his grandad (who he adored) passed away quite quickly.  He has always been quite an anxious person but this has been amplified.

Through his hardest period every time Baby M cried he was worried that our neighbours would phone social services.  It was difficult to convince him that babies cry and also they have children they will understand.

We have been sitting down and talking a lot.  We work together the challenge his thinking and anxieties.  He is doing really well and I keep telling him that small steps are important, even though he might not feel hes making any progress he is.

I am so proud of how well he is doing and he is such an amazing dad to Baby M.  I hope he has a wonderful birthday just as he deserves!!

What about the men?!?

Mr M is struggling with being a parent.  He is quite an anxious person anyway but since Baby M has arrived he worries he isn't doing a good job and with the sleep deprivation making everything seem 100x worse he has become low in mood.  He has given me permission to blog about his thoughts, feelings and struggles but I feel it is quite personal - it's his story to tell not mine.  It has however got me thinking - what about the men?!?

We have discussed everything with our health visitor who, along with family, has been a great support.  I think it is really important to have a good support network as without one things can become much worse.  Our health visitor made some valid points.  It is hard being a new parent - nothing can prepare you for the huge changes in your life and the fact that a tiny person is now totally reliant on you.  There is no shame in saying you are struggling and need help.

Health professionals are quick to check how mum is feeling, there are groups for mums to go and talk about how they feel and how they are managing.  Mums get a good amount of time to bond with baby by being off work.

What do dads get?!? 2 weeks paternity leave with some annual leave to add on if they are lucky.  How are you supposed to get your head round such a life changing experience in 2 weeks?!  No one asks dad how he is managing, yes mum gave birth but dad is going through everything that mum is going through too.  There aren't groups for dads to go to, men are well known for not being able to discuss their feelings but surely they should be given the option.  Men have this macho manly thing that crying is bad and that they should be superman and be able to hold everything together and nothing should phase them - this adds to the pressure already being piled on by people asking how much sleep you are getting, does the baby cry, how often does he eat, etc, etc, etc!!

A new baby turns your life upside down, yes it is amazing and wonderful but you need to make sure you look after yourself too.  A baby needs it's parents to be there and to be healthy.  You need to do whatever you can to make sure you stay well, be that taking it in turns to get up in the night, going for a walk on your own, asking someone to watch the baby for a few hours whilst you have some sleep or some couple time.  Whatever works for you to help make things a little more manageable.

Mr M is a brilliant Dad & Baby M clearly loves him already.  He will get through this difficult period.