Every changing friendships

I'm kind of used to friendships changing.

I'm not one of those people who is still best friends with their primary school best friend - and I'm not talking about 'Facebook Friends'.

We moved when I was in my last year of primary school and then when I left High School I was the only person who went to the city I studied in.  Five years ago Mr M & I left that city to move 200+ miles away to a completely new city.  I'm used to having to try and make new friends.

My longest friend is from university, she lives far to far away for my liking but we text nearly every day and phone when we can - she works nights and when I was working shifts would get in the way.  I can still tell her anything and everything and I know she's there for me, if not in body.  She doesn't have children - yet!

My other friend that I've known for nearly as long now has 3 gorgeous boys and again we don't see each other that often but meet whenever I go up to visit Mr M's family and she is free.  Through the joys of Facebook and text we are able to keep in touch and up to date with our growing families.  She has been a great help with mummy related issues.

I have however been feeling REALLY lonely lately!  I go to mummy and baby groups and am trying to talk to other mums but there are cliques and its hard to break in.  I'm determined though and haven't let that stop us going to the groups.

To some of my friends I seem to have fallen off the planet since I had Baby M.  What makes our friendship so different now I have a child??  It doesn't to me!! So I bring him along to coffee catch ups - he's so well behaved he doesn't cry when we are out so it's not like he's badly behaved/screaming/wailing.  I can still go on nights out as Mr M can babysit.  I have even more free time on my hands which means I can meet up WHENEVER.

I text and text trying to organise catch ups.  Generally I get fobbed off or we make plans then they cancel.  I know people have busy lives but we met up before!

Mr M keeps telling me to focus on those friends who do still want to meet up, who do take the time to reply to me and who genuinely seem interested in Baby M. I know he's probably right but I've always been a bit of an overthinker/worrier.

I had the "is it me?" thoughts.  I am someone they don't want to be around??

Maybe when I go back to work and I'm busy with that and spending time as a family I won't be so bothered.  But friendships are really important to me and I think we need them to stay slightly sane. 

I shall continue to persevere and maybe follow Mr M's advice of focusing on those friends who do make that effort.  With many things I have a 2 strike rule (as in 2 strikes & you're out) I feel that maybe too harsh for friendships though. 

I'm trying to organise cocktails/drinks for my birthday.  I'm hoping that people come and I'm not sitting there Billy-No-Mates.  I used to have fancy dress parties every year for my birthday from about 19-25 (they were AMAZING) but I'd always get upset by those people who'd say they were coming but never showed up, just be honest with me!!

I will keep going to the baby groups and trying to make new mummy friends.  


How have other mums managed their friendships since becoming parents?  Have your friendships changed?  How have you found making new mummy friends?

Finding things to keep us busy

With Mr M going back to work I found last week a little different from what we had become used to

Baby M was lucky that he had both of us around from him being born and we could do lots of family things together.  I am so pleased that Mr M is feeling better and is now back at work but it's different.

Last week I took Baby M to swimming but all the other mornings Mr M was at work during his phased return Baby M just had his bottles, we played a little then he napped.  Then Mr M was home.  By the end of the week I was feeling a little lonely and lost.

I decided to be proactive and do something about this.

I regularly try to meet up with friends but with everyone I know at work I don't see them as often as I wold like.  One of my friends has a little girl who is 2, we went to a play barn last week and whilst Baby M is too little to really enjoy anything it looked like somewhere I will definitely take him once he's older.

I have also looked into more groups I can go to.  I have discovered 3 new groups, on top of swimming, that aren't far from the house and we can go to.  That will leave us 3 days where we don't have anything on, 1 of them will be a Sunday so that will be family time, the other 2 will be during the week so Baby M & I can catch up with friends and have bonding time.  I have also looked up games we can play that will encourage his development.  As a first time mum I sometimes worry I'm not doing things right and I'm missing things that can help Baby M develop.  (Crazy I know!! It's the "wanting to do the best" part of me)

I want to enjoy the time I have left on maternity leave - everyone keeps asking me when I am going back to work- really this is the last thing I want to think about!!

I will let you know how our new plans go!